Health Update! & BIG news!

It’s almost 6 months since I finished my chemotherapy!

Since I last posted, my energy has slowly started to come back and, little by little, I’m feeling more like myself again. Most days are good days now. The brain fog has largely disappeared, the fatigue is much less of a constant companion, and I’m starting to recognise myself again, and I’m slowly leaning into that.

HOW IM DOING

I’ve been keeping busy. I’m working three to four days a week and usually spend one day volunteering with All Aboard down on the Bristol Harbourside. They’re a charity that provides trips and activities on the water, including sailing, paddleboarding, kayaking, canoeing and powerboats.

I originally got involved after doing a first aid course with them. One thing led to another and before long I was volunteering alongside paddle sports instructors, helping out on trips and generally getting stuck in. In fact, I’m hoping in my own time to achieve my own paddle sports leader qualification while using the time to keep developing my skill sets, both on and off the water.

I’ve really enjoyed it, partly because I love being on/in the water, but also because I get to meet lots of people who, like me, have some form of impairment or disability. There’s something quite nice about being in an environment where the focus isn’t necessarily on what someone can’t do, but on what they can do. (So far, I have worked with people with visual impairments, hearing impairments, cerebral palsy and mental health issues, to name a few. (The general public too.)

And with the summer we’ve had, I’ve absolutely thrived being around the water. I’ve made lots of friendships through the various paddlesports I’ve done. I’ve had loads of successful trips, both on the harbour and further afield. Kayaks, paddleboards, canoes, whatever was going really.

It’s been a pretty busy summer outside of work and Volunteering.

I’ve randomly hosted a Chilean bikepacker who is cycling around the UK & Ireland. He’s a cool guy and maybe you might drop his page a follow. He’s currently in Ireland ☘️

You can find me featuring in his Bristol Posts.

https://www.instagram.com/quiltronomada

I hiked mountains, went camping, spent plenty of time cycling. You guys that know me, know I love a bit of a sauna and cold plunge, so I kept that up. I even managed to dance the night away in Adam and Vanessa’s Beautiful wedding in the Old Vic.

It’s been one of those summers where I’ve said yes to quite a lot, and I think that’s probably part of the point. I’ve been getting out, doing things, seeing people and generally making the most of being able to live a bit more freely again.

In August, I made my usual ‘pilgrimage’ home to North-West Ireland, flying into Carrickfinn Airport. It was fantastic, as the views you have when you window seat and a clear day. Pristine white sandy beach on one side and a natural harbour on the other with mount Errigal overlooking everything.  

The usual holiday ensued, including throwing many a child off a paddleboard and running down many a sand dune.

It was particularly special this year because I had to miss it last year while I commenced my chemotherapy. It was another little reminder of how far things have come. In a way, I’m not the person I was before having been through the experience of chemo.

HEALTH UPDATE:

Just today, Monday 28th September, I had my appointment with the oncologist to discuss my latest scans. Thankfully, the results were clear and, most importantly, the scans remain stable. The ‘scanxiety’ wasn’t too bad this time around, which I think is another sign that I’m slowly learning to live with the uncertainty that comes with all of this. For now, there’s no change to the plan, and I’ll continue with six-monthly MRI scans unless I develop any new symptoms. It’s genuinely fantastic news and another little milestone to tick off.

So. In other news…

I’ve started to feel restless. A bit like Bilbo Baggins when he said, “I need to escape and see the world.”

You know that feeling when everything is perfectly comfortable, but something inside you feels missing? Like your purpose right now lies elsewhere.

It’s seems that many people are feeling like this right now. Maybe it’s the state that the world is in.

Put it this way…If I were to die tomorrow, I would have regretted not seeing more of the world and experiencing more of what is to be seen, heard, tasted, smelled, and felt.

So, after much careful thought, I’ve handed in my notice at work and decided that I want to go and explore other parts of the world for a while.

It’s not because I’m bored of optometry or because I don’t enjoy it anymore. Quite the opposite.

I’ve loved my time at the practice. Sure, it was at times stressful as every job can be, but the reason I’ve stayed so long, is the patients, the conversations and the relationships I’ve built over the years. There have been moments that I’ve been moved to tears by beautiful stories my patients tell me, or cried tears of laughter from a funny thing that’s happened while at work. (I can think of several.) There are some stories that shall remain living ‘rent free’ in my memory from my time at LFO forever.

I’ve been working in the Wells Road branch of Lynne Fernandes, serving the wider Bristol community for more than twelve years now, and I’ve become part of the furniture to some extent. (Furniture that’s hopefully not too tattered, but has been ‘upcycled’ a few times.)

I’ve seen many changes, (most of them for the better) and many faces come and go.

So, it is fair to say it’s time for a change.

I’ve seen generations of families come through the practice and, in my own small way, I think I’ve made a difference to the community. And, somewhat bizarrely, my surgery and treatment have turned me into something of a local celebrity.

People know my story. They ask how I’m doing. They’ve watched me go through surgery, treatment, return to work (twice) and gradually rebuild things. That has been genuinely lovely. My colleagues are certainly sick of hearing, ‘How’s Connor?’ by now!

But I’ve also started to notice something in myself.

A certain… staleness.

I was comfortable. Maybe a little too comfortable. After everything that’s happened over the last few years, I think I’ve realised that I don’t want to spend the next few years simply being comfortable.

I want to see what happens if I shake things up a bit. Make myself uncomfortable again. It is only here where growth happens.

Will I succeed? Land on my feet? Or fail spectacularly? Maybe a bit of both! We will see. Lesson’s are learned either way.

I’m not running away from anything, like trying to escape my diagnosis or getting back to some version of my old life. That Connor is long gone now.

I’m actually feeling confident enough to build something new. Making things work. By Determination and perserverance. Seeing what becomes when I lose that feeling that my comfort zone affords me.

I have spoken a lot about finding my purpose in the blog, my ‘Why’, as I have often called it. It has become clear that my ‘Why’ lies outside the four walls of the testing room, at least for now.

My personal training qualification has given me another string to my bow, and a few ‘side projects’ have started to give me some additional avenues to pursue, perhaps more importantly, some possibilities and inspiration to make a difference in an other ways.

So the plan is to travel for a while… To explore. To wander. To meet new people. To be curious. To see some more of the world. Where exactly that takes me only time will tell, but I’m free to get my flights booked now that I have no progression.

For the last few years, life has been very much about the next appointment, the next scan, the next treatment, the next hurdle. Everything was measured in milestones.

Surgery – COMPLETE.

Watch & Wait… for 3 Scans PROBLEM. Progression.

RADIO – COMPLETE.

CHEMO – COMPLETE.

Now, for the first time in quite a while, I’m thinking less about what I need to get through and more about what I actually want to do.

There’s something quite exciting about that. I’m not going to pretend everything is perfect. There are still uncertainties, and there probably always will be.

But I feel like I’m moving forward with action & asertiveness rather than simply recovering and maybe that’s the biggest change of all.

The treatment chapter isn’t completely behind me, but it doesn’t feel like it’s writing the story anymore.

I think I’m ready to see what the next chapter looks like.

Bilbo had the right idea.

Sometimes you just need to leave the Shire.